Make Allowance for Each Other's Faults

We probably have heard this quote or similar sounding ones before: "The first to apologize is the bravest. The first to forgive is the strongest. And the first to forget is the happiest". While this quote encourages us to do things we normally find difficult (apologizing and forgiving) to do; it has the wrong motivations. Apologizing and forgiving is not about being brave or strong but about being obedient to God. We should apologize or forgive not because we want to be seen as the "bigger or better person" but because God said so. Doing these things to be seen as "bigger or better people" is pride and God hates pride (Proverbs 16:5). Secondly, God has instructed us to love everybody and love is not proud (1 Corinthians 13:4). Besides the fact that forgiveness is a commandment from God, there are two other primary reasons why we must forgive. We'll explore them below.

We must forgive because God forgave us

Jesus showed his love for us from the beginning of time by dying for us while we were still sinners (Romans 5:8). He did not wait for us to first ask for forgiveness like we sometimes do to others. He forgave us because he is a merciful and loving father who does not punish us for all our sins or treat us harshly like we sometimes deserve (Psalm 103:10). This leads to my next point which is that our decision to forgive should not be based on the attitude or behavior of the person who wronged us. Many times we say things like "I can't forgive this person unless they come to apologize to me first" or "I can't forgive this person because they always keep malice and I'm always the one going to meet them to sort things out". See guys, we must learn to forgive whether the person who offended us apologizes or not. Imagine if God treated us the same way by always waiting for us to say we're sorry before he forgives us; our lives would definitely be so messed up. Secondly, as Christians we have to understand that not everyone is at the same place in their walk with Christ. So while it may be easy for you to control your anger or apologize or not keep malice, some people may not have reached that same level of spiritual maturity and that is why we must learn to make allowance for each other's faults (Colossians 3:13). To make allowance for people's faults is to learn to be patient and understanding with them. 1 Corinthians 13:4 says that love is patient so if we truly love like God has commanded us to do, we would learn to be patient with each other and not be quick to get angry at each other. Psalm 103:8 says that God "is compassionate and merciful, slow to get angry and filled with unfailing love". And since we are God's children, we also ought to be imitators of him (Ephesians 5:1).

Unforgiveness  is poisonous both spiritually and physically

Spiritually, unforgiveness is poisonous because it hinders God from forgiving us of our own sins (Matthew 6:15). Matthew 5:7 says "Blessed are the merciful for they shall receive mercy". So if we want God to be merciful to us, we must also show mercy to others. Mercy is basically being kind and forgiving to someone who doesn't deserve it and that is how God wants us to treat others. The bible verse that convicted me last week about mercy is James 2:13 which says "There will be no mercy for those who have not shown mercy to others. But if you have been merciful, God will be merciful when he judges you". In other words, the same measure of mercy we have shown to others is the same measure we would receive from God on judgement day. So heart check: if God shows you the same amount of mercy you have shown to others, would you be happy or miserable?

Another way in which unforgiveness is spiritually poisonous is that it hinders our prayers from being answered (Mark 11:24-25). So basically if we want to receive blessings from God, we must let go of whatever resentment or grudges we may have in our hearts. 

Lastly, unforgiveness is spiritually poisonous because it gives the devil a foothold in our lives (Ephesians 4:26-27). A foothold is any point of access or involvement for the devil; it does not necessarily have to be occultic or demonic, unforgiveness is a means through which the Devil can gain access into people's lives. For instance, the resentment and bitterness a man has towards his father can affect his relationship with his wife, he may express so much anger and hostility towards her even though she has done nothing wrong and this hostility can transfer to his children or siblings. Another way unforgiveness gives the devil a foothold is in our health. While researching to prepare for this post, I found out that unforgiveness can cause chemical imbalances in our bodies and affect the muscular-skeletal system causing problems such as headaches, stomach aches, dizziness, and neck pains. I for one know that whenever I'm really angry at someone, I start having chest pains and this is why I always ask God to help me control my anger and help me forgive. 

Point of Action

I don't want us to just be likers, commenters, or sharers of this post, I also want us to be doers. So I want you to examine your heart and think about that one person or those people you still have some grudges against and ask God to help you forgive them. For some of us, it may not be forgiving we have to do but apologizing. You may have to let go of your ego and pride and go say you're sorry to that person for what you said or what you did. Maybe you haven't talked to that person in months or years it really doesn't matter, you just have to do your part as an obedient child of God. I know it's not going to be easy but God is going to be proud of you for walking in obedience. And after reading this post, you still may not feel like forgiving but as Christians we are to live by the spirit and not by our feelings so you just make the decision to forgive and your feelings would come into alignment with that decision with time.