Maintaining Sexual Purity in a Sex-Crazed World: Breaking Sexual Soul Ties

I started this sexual purity series 3 years ago and I just realized I never finished it 🀣. If you've read the previous posts in this series, you'll remember I mentioned that it was going to be a 3-part series, and today I'll be sharing part 3 😊 Yay! Finally! I was reminded about this series because of a post I made on my Instagram page exactly 6 years ago today. You can check out the post here: dara_mamora and follow me in case you're not alreadyπŸ‘€. 

Before we get into the topic for today, I'll like to reiterate that the concept of sexual purity isn't just limited to not having sex before marriage as sexual purity is first and foremost a thing of the mind/heart because sex doesn't just happen. Before the actual act, certain seeds were planted in the mind that facilitated the action. Seemingly innocent acts of listening to a kind of music, watching a certain movie/show, reading a type of book, hanging out with a friend/certain group of friends can lure us into the ultimate act of sexual intercourse. I talk more about this in my previous posts in this series, so do check them out! However, our focus today is more about the aftermath of sexual relationships before marriage. Hence, the title "breaking sexual soul ties".

You may be wondering, "what in the world are sexual soul ties??". So, I'll first define what a soul tie is. It is a strong emotional and spiritual connection between people in a close/intimate relationship. From this definition, we can probably infer that a soul tie isn't always negative. We can have godly soul ties with our spouses, parents, children, friends, etc. In fact, the bible highlights that David and Jonathan had a soul tie evidenced by their strong bond and love for each other as friends (1 Samuel 18:1). However, there can also be ungodly soul ties which sometimes occur as a result of sex outside of marriage (premarital & extramarital), but our topic today focuses on the former. I must reiterate that soul ties don't just occur because of sex, but we see the effects mostly in sexually intimate relationships. An ungodly sexual soul tie manifests itself in several ways:

  • Being obsessed with a sexual partner, whether dating the person or not, such that a person may feel like they can't live without the person.
  • Being in a cycle of relationships because of a pressing need to just be with someone; a feeling of being incomplete without a boyfriend/girlfriend. So, the person keeps trying to fill a void no man can fill.
  • Being unable to move on from past relationships or get out of a toxic relationship. That is, the person knows they're in a manipulative or destructive relationship or sometimes they may not know as their judgement is clouded. However, close people around them may have warned them about the person they're dating but they are just unable to let go.
  • Unknowingly taking on the negative traits of the person because of the spiritual transfer that occurs during sex, etc.

The truth is that, although the world portrays sex to be merely a physical activity, it really is a spiritual activity. "That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh" (Gen 2:24-25). One thing I'll like to point out about this scripture is that it is the first place in the bible sex is mentioned, so it is significant. Isn't it interesting that the first time sex is mentioned in the bible is in relation to the marriage union? This emphasizes God's desire for us that sex only be had within the context of marriage, and God commands this not to deprive us of pleasure but to protect us as a good father. The word “unites” in the Greek language used in this passage means to "join, "merge", or “piece together". In a nutshell, sex is a glue (Sex and Soul ties). A good way to think about is to imagine gluing two pieces of paper together and then trying to rip them apart, there ends up being damage to each piece. Additionally, the two pieces of paper end up with pieces of each other still remaining. This is the power of sex and the reason why God only wants us to be glued to one person in marriage.

Furthermore, a study through scripture shows that marriage wasn’t recognized as when a ceremony took place as it is these days, rather it was when a couple "consummated" their union. The act of having sex is sealing the deal and entering into covenant with a person because that is how God designed it. It is the reason why blood is shed most times during a woman’s first sexual encounter because it is symbolic of covenant. A study through the bible shows us that there's no covenant without the shedding of blood, and that’s why the very basis of our faith is on the blood of Jesus, which was shed to give us new life (Heb 9:18, Heb 9:22). Something else I found interesting while preparing for this post is the fact that all covenants have signs that represent God's commitment to keep His part. For Noah, it was the rainbow, for Abraham, it was circumcision, for us when we give our lives to Christ, it is baptism of the Holy Spirit, for marriage guess what it is? sex! (Covenantal Sex). And remember that according to the bible, a marriage union is recognized when sex occurs and not when a ceremony occurs, although it is part of it. Hence, having sex outside of "marriage" is entering into covenant with a person without the true commitment/responsibilities that come with it.

Also, according to Psychiatrist, Researcher, and Author, Dr. Daniel Amen, in his book, Change Your Brain, Change Your Life: “Whenever a person is sexually involved with another person, neurochemical changes occur in both their brains that encourage limbic, emotional bonding. Limbic bonding is the reason casual sex doesn’t really work for most people on a whole mind and body level. Two people may decide to have sex ‘just for the fun of it,’ yet something is occurring on another level that they might not have decided on at all: sex is enhancing an emotional bond between them whether they want it or not” (The Truth About Soul Ties). He also mentions that the reason why females are more likely to get hurt after a sexual relationship ends is because the limbic system in females is larger than the male's. So, both from a spiritual and scientific perspective, we see that sex bonds people physically, spiritually, and emotionally. 

So, knowing all we do now about sex and soul ties. How can someone break those ties and live in true freedom? Because it is so important to God that we're free and not under any form of bondage (Galatians 5:1).  

1. Forgive: this is so key to move on in life and fulfill purpose. I know in some cases, it may be extremely hard to do so but to be all that God has called us to be, we can't harbor unforgiveness. As believers, forgiveness isn't an emotional decision, so we don't wait until we "feel" like to do so. Rather, we make the mental decision to, ask for God's grace to help us, and eventually our feelings will catch up. Besides forgiving the person or people that hurt us, we must also forgive ourselves. It is so puzzling to me how difficult we are on ourselves sometimes. Sometimes, we find it easier to forgive others compared to ourselves. But it is important that we realize that we are not our mistakes. Moreover, God has already forgiven us so who are we not to forgive ourselves?

2. Confess: "Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective" (James 5:16). Firstly, we confess to God, not from a place of condemnation because God already forgave us a long time ago, but from a place of honesty and transparency before God. We acknowledge that we've gone wrong and ask for grace to repent, that is, to turn away from our old ways. Secondly, we must confess to a trusted person, this could be a family member, close friend, pastor, or mentor, because accountability is so important in the journey of sexual purity. Hence, the need for support from a trusted person or group of believers. Moreover, sin grows in secrecy but when we bring it out in the open, we defeat its power over us.

3. Pray: Like mentioned earlier, a sexual soul tie is a spiritual bond, so it must also be broken spiritually. It is so important that we don't take this lightly. God promises in Psalm 23:3 to restore our soul, so we can pray in accordance with this promise. It is also important to look up other bible verses related to healing and restoration and pray them out.

4. Renew your mind: Romans 12:1 tells us not to conform to this world but to be transformed by the renewing of our minds. The key word here is "renewing", it is a continuous verb so it's not something we do just once. We must continually meditate on God's word relating to sexual purity, healing, and wholeness, so that even when temptations come we are armed with the word, our sword of the spirit (Ephesians 6:16-18).

5. Cut ties physically: this may mean deleting phone numbers, unfollowing or blocking the person(s) from social media, getting rid of gifts/objects/pictures that remind you of the person, to literally cut any physical ties you have with them. This may sound extreme but it is so necessary because it is a spiritual issue. I must also reiterate that you don't do this out of spite or bitterness because we already talked about forgiveness, but from a place of wisdom because you don't want to hold on to anything that will hinder your freedom. I came across the story of lady who even wrote down all the names of the guys she had soul ties with and tore the sheet of paper to symbolize her cutting ties with them. I'm not saying it's necessary to do this but I believe she must have felt led by God to do so. So, we must also follow God's leading on our specific situations.

Finally, praise God for your freedom and healing! πŸ™ŒπŸ’ƒ Whatever we bind on earth is bound in heaven, so it's been settled even though you may not feel it, but we live by faith and not by feelings! 


It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery (Galatians 5:1)

Comments

  1. Thank you for this. It really was an eye opener and I’m sure a lot of people will be touched. So true how we find it hard forgiving ourselves. Hmm. We must ensure we learn from experiences, rather than beat ourselves down for the wrong we did. Thanks again 😘

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