Maintaining Sexual Purity in a Sex-Crazed World: Save Sex Over Safe Sex

The society we live in now preaches "safe sex" but then again, is sex outside of marriage ever really "safe"? can sex outside of God's will ever be "safe"? The answer is no. While condoms and birth control pills, which are not even always 100% effective, can protect us from pregnancies and STDs (the physical consequences of sex), they can't protect us from the emotional and spiritual consequences of premarital sex. The spiritual and emotional consequences of premarital sex we often tend to ignore are even more serious than the physical consequences. And why is this so? It is because sex is primarily a spiritual activity than a physical activity as the world tends to view it. Whenever we have sex, a spiritual bonding occurs- two people become one flesh (Mark 10:8, Genesis 2:24). Hence, the reason why God wants sex to be expressed only within the confines of marriage is to strengthen the intimate bond between a husband and a wife; God doesn't want us creating bonds with several people. At this point, I'm sure some may be wondering "well, how about if it's only one person you're having sex with and you're sure you will marry the person?" First thing I want to say is how are you sure? Second thing I want to say is that there's no security/guarantee in a dating relationship. The highest form of commitment in a relationship is marriage because it is both legally and spiritually binding. When you get married to someone, you're declaring to the world and God that you'll love and be committed to the person for the rest of your life. 

Having said all that, let's explore some of the common reasons why people don't believe in waiting till marriage for sex:

1. The bible is outdated in regards to waiting for sex: "Come on! this is 2017 and the bible was written over 2,000 years ago! Societal norms have changed. We're more advanced in our thinking. Who still waits till marriage for sex anyway?! Are we in medieval times?" Psalm 119:89 says "Your word, LORD, is eternal; it stands firm in the heavens" and Matthew 24:35 says "Heaven and earth will pass away, but my words will never pass away". What these two verses mean in a nutshell is that God's word stands the test of time, that even after the world ends, God's word will still remain. So, that we're in 2017 doesn't make God's word any less relevant. Guys, sex wasn't created by man but by God and as the creator of sex, He is the only one who can prescribe how best to use it. We must let God's word be the final authority over our lives and not people's opinions and experiences.

2. You need to test drive the car before you buy it: Jeez this is the one that really gets me*rolling my eyes*. To think that some men and women have reduced human beings to objects that should be test-driven is sad. It is shallow for someone to base their decision of who to marry on how well a person can perform in the bedroom because there's more to marriage than sex. While sex is important in marriage, it can't sustain it because after a while those sexual desires diminish. Secondly, how many people will you test-drive before finding the one? The truth is that lust is a monster that can never be satisfied so you'll always be looking for better. 

3. Sex is overrated: I've heard people say that there's no need waiting for sex because it is a basic human need like food. So, basically you can have sex whenever you want with whoever you like. Like I mentioned earlier, the problem with our society is that we view sex as a physical activity when it is really a spiritual activity. I don't know how the most intimate act you could ever perform with someone be "overrated". Sex is really a big deal and should be treated as such. Our bodies are temples where the Holy Spirit resides so we must honor God with our bodies (1 Corinthians 6:20). 

Now, let's explore what some of the benefits of waiting are in more detail.

1. It promotes good communication in dating: when sex is out of the picture in a relationship, it gives the couple the opportunity to really get to know each other by communicating and communication is the key to building true intimacy in a relationship. Sex gives this false sense of intimacy because you become attached to whoever you sleep with. But the fact that you're attached to someone doesn't mean that you're close to them or that you really know them. In many relationships, the couple may feel like they have a chemistry when in reality, there's really no substance to the relationship. In a relationship where there's no sex, whenever there are issues, you talk about them rather than cover it up with "make-up sex". 

2.  It helps you to see more clearly in a relationship: many times, people are unable to leave toxic relationships because of the unhealthy bond, otherwise known as soul ties, that has been created by sex. They know this person is not good for them yet they can't seem to break away from them. It gets to a point where they even start to tolerate certain wrong behaviors from the person e.g. cheating, violence, lying, etc. And even when they break up with the person, it may take them several years to heal and move on from the person. Nevertheless, if you're in this situation, don't be discouraged because it's never too late to start over. God loves you and He is the healer and restorer of broken hearts (Psalm 147:3).

3. No fear of pregnancy and STDs: "Use condoms" they say. "Use pills" they say. Yet these very things supposed to "protect" us only enslave us to fear because there's always still that bit of worry of whether we're really safe. Our hearts are in our mouths whenever our periods are late. Our hearts are in our mouth when we forget to use our pills. Our hearts are in our mouths when we go get tested for STDs. Is a few minutes of pleasure worth all this fear? Galatians 5:1 says "We have freedom now, because Christ made us free. So stand strong in that freedom. Don’t go back into slavery again". It is God's desire that we live in true freedom and not be slaves to anything. So, say no to slavery and live in the freedom that Jesus obtained for you on the cross. 

4. Trains you to be faithful in marriage: like I mentioned in my last post, the issue about waiting till marriage for sex is not so much about the sex itself as it is taming your flesh and saying no to lust. I've read stories about married people who still struggle with masturbation and pornography and I wondered why since they had spouses to express their sexual desires with. The problem these people are facing is lust. This just goes to show that marriage doesn't cure lust. We must learn to discipline our flesh while we're still young and single because part of the problem with people who cheat on their spouses is that they haven't learned to tame their flesh. So, learning to be faithful in marriage starts now in our singleness. "Marriage is to be held in honor among all [that is, regarded as something of great value], and the marriage bed undefiled [by immorality or by any sexual sin]; for God will judge the sexually immoral and adulterous" (Hebrews 13:4). 

5. Preserves intimacy in marriage: when we keep sex till marriage, we preserve the intimacy that should be shared with only our spouses. One of the biggest problems with having premarital sex is that it makes sex in marriage less exciting. I recently watched a ted talk on sexless marriages and one of the possible causes of this the speaker mentioned is premarital sex. She mentioned that some couples have so much sex before marriage that on their wedding night, they don't even have it. The wedding becomes just an event and there's really not much to look forward to. Imagine that! 

Another problem premarital sex raises in intimacy is comparison. When you've been with so many people in the past, you begin to compare your spouse to them or even if you don't, your spouse may be concerned about whether they're satisfying you enough. Do your future spouse a favor by preserving that intimate bond for only them and in doing this you're also doing yourself a favor because it gives you something to look forward to in marriage. 

Waiting till marriage is hard but not impossible. If it were, God wouldn't ask us to do it. Also, He has graced us to do His will (Philippians 2:13). As our father, God knows what is best for us so we must learn to be obedient because every divine instruction comes with a blessing. Stay tuned for the final post in this series where we explore the hows of waiting. 

Stay Blessed!